| Drama (?) | MPAA:NC17 |
Oh the sacrifices I make for you people. In an effort to save
you -- the home video renting public -- from embarrassing yourselves, I went
out, and actually watched ...
First things first -- yes, this movie is as bad as everyone says it is. It is worse than bad. It is .... editor's note: Little Willie has dropped into a deep trance, this happens on those very few times when words escape him, I'll see if I can't shake him out of it. Sorry about that, got a little carried away. This movie is the worst major studio release ever -- it even out-awfuls The Rocky Horror Picture Show -- it's that bad. And as I said in the warning, it's offensive as well. This is the only film I've seen where menstruation is used as a dialog point, not once, not twice, but three times. Ok, a dancer worrying about being pregnant because she missed a period is not a big deal. But when Nomi's (Elizabeth Berkley) boss (Robert Davi) asks why she missed work, she says she was having her period and didn't think he'd want her to get the customers messy. Later, when she starts getting hot and heavy with some guy who really wants to do her, she tells him she can't because, well -- you know. He doesn't believe her, so she tells him to check, and he does. Yick. The story? An ambitious dancer heads for Vegas, hoping to make it big. She gets there, and finds life in the big city less than wonderful. She tries to retain some self-respect, but her ambition leads her into questionable actions. When she finally reaches the top, something happens that makes her realize that what she's gained isn't worth what she gave up. So she packs her bags and goes back home. Gee, isn't that just a terribly original story. I don't suppose more than 2500 movies have been made with similar plotlines. I was about to say that none of them were as smutty as this one, but I imagine there are a few porno films with similar plotlines as well -- they'd probably be more interesting -- certainly hotter. If you simply must see this film -- hoping that the smut value may make up for the stupidity, let me save you some time. Switch to you VCR's elapsed time counter. When the word "Showgirls" in the opening credit comes on, reset the timer to 00:00. Fast forward to about 28:00 (or let it run and go read a book for a half hour). The next scene is Nomi giving the hotel bigwig (Kyle MacLachlan) and his girlfriend the star (Gina Gershon) a personal lap dance. This is about as hot as this film gets. This is also the same thing she does an hour later when she and the big wig have sex in his pool -- except with her flailing in the water, it just looks silly. You rapidly grow tired of the nudity, much like you do when you're watching a National Geographic special on the tribal peoples in New Guinea -- it's just as boring in both. Acting? ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
editor's note: Little Willie has just collapsed laughing at my feet, let me settle him down. Sorry, I just couldn't help it. I never thought Elizabeth Berkley was that great on that TV show she was on, when you put her in a Hollywood feature, the over-acting is over-kill. She makes William Shatner look subtle, Al Pacino look quiet, Madonna look demure. Name your own cliché. About the only thing she seems to do well is lap dance (at least she has a career choice to fall back on). Kyle MacLachlan is still playing the character he played in The Flintstones, only with a less glamorous wardrobe. Gina Gershon knows her role is a joke, and she plays it accordingly, resulting in the only tolerable performance in the film. Everyone else is given such insipid lines, that trying to say them with a straight face is too difficult, and they have no energy left. There are only 2 remotely positive things to say about this film. 1) Unlike genuine porno films, all the breasts in this film appear to be original equipment models, as opposed to the hyper-inflated ones so popular lately. 2) While I don't generally approve of rape scenes in a movie, if you must have one, film just enough to get the point across, like here, don't dwell on it like some films do (including another Paul Verhoven flic (The Rose and the Sword), and one that resulted in an Oscar for the actress). Don't think these are actually pluses, these are merely 2 more bad things they could have done, but didn't.
Please, I implore you, don't watch this movie. If you must watch smut, get Basic Instinct or Body of evidence, or any movie with Shannon Tweed, or just go back into the "Big Boy Room" (my wife and I actually heard some woman refer to it as that, we still crack up about it). If you do decide to watch it, well -- may God have mercy on your souls. There, I've warned you. My conscience is clear. I can sleep.