| Gothic Adventure | MPAA:R |
I spent several minutes trying to figure out the preface for this review. Do I go with the middle-ages swordplay angle (and mention the 2 Robin Hood flicks while I'm at it)? Or maybe I could go with the Paul Verhoeven / naked women angle. Instead, I think I'll go with the Jennifer Jason Liegh as a slut again angle, because in this film, like so many of her others, she spends an awful lot of time without her clothes on, and like The Perils of Gwendoline, that's about the only reason to see The Rose and the Sword.
We don't start out with Jennifer, she comes in later. We start, just before a big battle begins. A nobleman has been kicked out of his castle, and is about to go back in, with the help of a mercenary army. After his victorious return, the nobleman stiffs the mercenaries, and runs them out of town. The mercenaries (Rutger Hauer as Martin, the leader, Brion James (who, with Hauer, was also a replicant in Bladerunner), Bruno Kirby (a European mercenary with a Brooklyn accent - oh boy), and some others) are not happy, neither is the nobleman's son, a bleeding heart intellectual type. He does manage to get over his sense of outrage long enough to go meet his future intended though, the lovely Jennifer. Jennifer is the daughter of yet another nobleman, and was raised by nuns. So in an effort to educate herself concerning her forthcoming nuptials, she has her handmaid demonstrate intercourse. Fans of the Simpsons will find this of note because the actress baring various body parts in order to get boinked is also the voice of Bart Simpson (yes that's Nancy Cartwright we see topless). Jennifer interrupts her education just in time to meet her future husband, who explains where manwort comes from, kisses her, and goes off on some errand. Unfortunately, Jennifer then meets the angry mercenaries, who seeing her rich caravan, attack it, kill her escorts, and rape her (although she puts her earlier education to use, and manages to prevent a gang rape). Rutger, Jennifer, and company then find another castle to overrun, and set themselves up there. After dinner (where Jennifer gives a brief lesson in the use of eating utensils), Rutger and Jennifer retire to their bedchambers for a bath. Jennifer, leaving nothing to the imagination, jumps in with Rutger, gets clean, then dirty again, and then we fade to the next scene. Eventually Jennifer's intended and his pals find where she's holed up, and they attack the castle, unsuccessfully. He (Jennifer's boy toy) gets captured, and is forced to witness Jennifer and Rutger together. His pals have a plan though. They start catapulting diseased animal parts over the wall, and soon the mercenaries are dropping dead from the plague. The nobleman's army rushes in and saves Jennifer and her intended, and sets the castle on fire, killing all the mercenaries except Rutger, who sneaks out the same chimney he used to sneak in.
Jennifer Jason Leigh is actually a very good actress, when she's given good parts. This one was early in her career however, and Paul Verhoeven was only interested in an actress who didn't mind doing full frontal nudity, so the part stinks. The whole movie is rather dumb, was originally called Flesh + Blood, and lacks the silliness that makes The Perils of Gwendoline worth watching at least once. Oh well, there is Jennifer.